When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Sunday, February 22, 2004
Zhi4 (his name) sounds like zi4 (word). "Aum" is a word.
Yang2 (his name) sounds like yang2 (sun). A sun border.
Together they mean "Zhiyang". Sort of.
It's fascinating how powerful one's subconscious can be to drive inexplicable actions before awareness and enlightenment of the hidden intentions behind. Or is it one's unlimited propensity for imagination that associate two totally different and mutually exclusive things together after an incident has occurred, in an attempt to make some sense outta it?
I do not know. Either way, it's part of me now.
X X X
Within the space of one day, I received text messages from three friends (at some time or another) of mine whom I haven't heard from for quite a while. Aikes. But I'm too tired from my long walk just now to pen down my thoughts. And so I shall adjourn for my ablution rites and attend to this humble blog when my strength recovers.
I'll miss the sun for the next two weeks. I'll miss the warmth and the hope and promise each brilliant ray of light holds. For now I am cold. Outside in, inside out.
It's cold. I reread something that was so intense and so powerful in content that wreaked havoc in my docilely monotonous life for quite a while. Those words which created a maelstrom of turbulent thoughts and feelings were the epicentre of much angst, confusion, false hopes, and despondence. Revisiting those chapters made me swell up with emotions of uncontrollable sadness and irrational, yet irrepressible hurt.
I teared. Not the it's-the-end-of-the-world tears from bawling over things I cannot change, but rather unstoppable trickles of sweet longing with a tinge of envy, or may heaven forbid, jealousy. Lil' sparkling droplets serving the purpose of therapeutic catharsis purged from the very bottom of my heart. I do feel better now. I have accepted it before. And I've accepted it all over again. Strange that certain things time and again come back to haunt you and demand to be passed before the jury of wild speculations. Sighs. It must be the time of the night. Unearthly hours give birth to unearthly thoughts.
Aikes. I'm just clearing my thoughts. That chapter is already closed. Let it be. =)
4:43 AM
